Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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