I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I could make wine with my vomit
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
