I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I know her cup size but not her name....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
