am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
