i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
