You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
