Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
