so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
