this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
FUCK WHALES
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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