My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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