I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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