Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
