So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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