we have officially lost it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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