hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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