I'm lost and stupid without you.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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