those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
