Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
