i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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