And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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