those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
