you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
