I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
