dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
