Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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