So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
its not stalking. its research.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
how does that bad decision feel?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
