Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
