Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
