sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
