i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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