why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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