we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
