I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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