im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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