hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
