Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I can text with my tongue
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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