I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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