it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
