He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize