i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
They have beer where we have blood.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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