It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The Olympian is in my bed
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
