I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
