My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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