bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I'm really busy with my period
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