3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
