sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize