Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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