This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
