You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
