Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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