The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
