Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
