Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
