I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
