it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
