Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
