You're a womanizer and a bitch.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
