Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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