i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
