Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
