Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
