i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
