Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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