he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
