And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
