my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize