We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
