I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
