woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
