so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
