The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.