here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list