ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
