I cut my penus on the lid.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
