Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
