How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
