D3 body, D1 cock
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
