He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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