Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
