I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
