The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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