I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am one with the molecules
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
