Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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