i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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